Pomegranate: a Novel by Helen Elaine Lee

Author:Helen Elaine Lee
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 2023-04-11T00:00:00+00:00

SEVENTEEN

I’ve been carrying on, leaning on my weekday routine. I pick up a kitchen shift and go to work. Catch a meeting, come home and fix a little dinner. Eat it by myself. The late nights and weekends, they’re harder. No structure, no release, I feel myself wind tighter and tighter.

One night I was down here trying to ease my restlessness with an Afrofuturist novel when Judy rang the buzzer. I crept over to the window and peeked from the little gap between the curtains, then looked around at my little home. Here I am, making a start, and I don’t need any help fucking up. It felt shabby, but I pretended I was out.

Add Judy to the list of who and what I’m dodging, right below Drew Turner.

Last night, as I listened to a wild, lashing rainstorm I pictured destruction, starting with the water finding a small way in, through a missing shingle, then the ceiling swelling like a malnourished belly, then a slow, stubborn dripping with buckets on the floor, then an all-out flood.

I’ve been telling myself I’m protecting the story of me and Max. And I’m not sure what difference it makes that I’ve been loved right. I made it sound game changing. But the jury’s out on what kind of counterweight even the right kind of love is.

Anyway, it’s time to settle up my therapy debt, anxious as that makes me feel. Drew Turner called and offered me a midweek slot, and I knew I’d worked the sick excuse as far as I could take it. And the shame chorus raised its voice: You fighting for your kids or not?

Now I’m in the waiting room, staring at giant daisies, wishing I could masquerade as someone stronger and prouder.

“It’s been a while…,” he starts off, once I’m in his office and the door’s closed, “five weeks since our last appointment. I hope you’re feeling better.”

I make myself look him in the eye. And I think I see kindness there, but then again, I’ve got zero judgment, especially where the male species is concerned. I play it out, trying to save a little face.

“I’m well again, thank goodness.”

Then, after glancing at his notes, he gets right to it. “You said last time, when we were wrapping up, that you’ve had a healthy relationship. You’ve been ‘loved right’ was how you put it.”

Avoiding his eyes, I nod.

He keeps at it, trying for a way in. “What made it healthy?” “How was it different?” “How did you know it was right?” When none of those questions works, he shifts. “Can you say how my asking about it feels?”

“Intrusive,” I shoot back.

“Okay,” he answers, “but you did bring it up. And I wonder what you think about that.”

I sit back and grab a pillow. “Why is it you’ve got these soft pillows but a couch where it’s impossible to get comfortable?” I sound whiny, which pisses me off. Then I sigh and admit to myself that I did open the damn door.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.